T1+Writing

 __Tuesday 5th April 2011__ WALT: write an argument using persuasive features to convince people to come to the bay of plenty Success Criteria My writing contains an introduction, 3 key arguments and a conclusion I will state and restate my opinion I use a range of language resources and punctuation My paragraphs follow the S E E structure Do you want your kids having nice expressions on your holidays? Then come to the bay of plenty and enjoy what we beautiful beaches, a beautiful mount and some pristine lake’s

We have beautiful beach's for you and your kids to play surf and walk along and find unique shells and, nice life guard that would tell you were they would swim so you don't get hurt and, there is always surf lesson’s if you don’t know how, and if you need a new surf board there are great surf shop’s around the mount town center just like Mount Surf Shop, Back Door, North Beach and much more and the staff will be happy to show the boards and tell you witch one would be right for you.

Our beautiful mount can be located and the end of the mount beach and you can’t miss it, you can walk around it or up the mount and you wont find one bit of rubbish and you will find some friendly locale’s that will happily direct you on the right track, and it is a beautiful view at the top and when you come down you can stop at a ice cream pallor at the bottom were people at the mount like to buy there ice cream from.

The Lake’s will be found in rotorua there are seven lake’s called the blue,green,lake rotorua,tarawera,okatina,rotowhiti and rotoma you can’t go on the green lake though cause only this special Maori tribe can but lake tarawera you can and can be located right after the green, and is the second biggest lake in the north island and the blue can be located just before the green and has a really nice camp ground, and Rotoma is just before rotorua and rotowhiti is just after rotoma and you will see a turn off and you can also access okatina from the turn off, but you can’t ski or do any stuff like that on okatina it is only for fishing and you will catch some big trout there.

Well done with using paragraphs in your writing Nathaniel, but you have forgotten to include a conclusion. You have stated your 3 main reasons in your introduction but need a conclusion to restate these. Excellent use of personal pronouns - I really feel like you are talking to me. You now need to focus on using stronger imperatives to really convince me to visit. Where are your full stops? This is a level 2 requirement and something I should not have to remind you about! You are making progress with your writing, well done. Miss Crone :)